Thoughts

When the timing is right.

2018 has been a year of significant change for this Sussex girl in the Midlands, and avid ‘rose tinted spectacle’ wearer.  Looking back as I come to the end of the first week of 2019,  I am amazed at the changes that have occurred, and am immensely proud of the way in which my family and I have adapted and adjusted to those changes.

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Oh how true I find this quote to be.  Sometimes we yearn for change when we are stuck in a difficult situation, especially when it goes on for a long time, and we can see no light at the end of the tunnel.  For those of you who have been following my blog, you will know that I have been mum and carer to my son Simon for the last 32 years.  As a single mum for 20 of those years I’m sure you can imagine that there were many times when change was needed, if only in the form of a break.  I longed for the wind to blow in a different direction, but as my mum would often say to me,  “keep plodding on Alison”  so I would adjust my sails and continue to float, wondering if the wind would ever blow my way.

This time last year we were busy packing, buying and preparing for a change that I really never thought would happen.  Simon had been given the opportunity to move into supported living accommodation.  He would have his own flat, but there would be on site carers to help him with the daily tasks in life that he finds too challenging, and sometimes too unsafe to cope with alone.  The day he was handed his key is a day that I will never forget, and a day that brought positive change for both of us.  And although Simon will always keep us on our toes with his antics, I guess I could say that it’s a day when the wind definitely blew in a different direction.

This massive, unexpected change has taken some adjusting too.  Over Christmas, Simon was sat chatting with me and said: “Mum, when I spent my first night in Parklands I felt like crying, I felt so alone”.  My heart broke a little as I sat listening to him, but also gave a little jump of pride as I sat looking at my son, who with all his difficulties has stuck with his new situation, however hard he found it at first.  He now has far more support not just from me but from his family as a whole, and our relationship is vastly improved.

Meanwhile, as we were working our way through the Simon Changes there was another rather lovely life change on its way.  My first grandchild Arlo Frank was born on the  21st of July.  A lovely healthy baby boy and thankfully safely delivered at home.  Over the next few days Mum, Dad, and baby Arlo began to work their way through those first tentative days as a new little family.  I have to say that I am so proud of those two newbie parents, and the amazing job they are doing of caring for my grandson and each other.

Well, what a year!  I became an empty nester and a Nonna in the space of a few months. I’m sure those of you reading this who are already grandparents, will know what I mean when I say that the unexpected love I feel for that little boy is incredible.

Just over two years ago I had a bad fall downstairs which my body is still recovering from, but looking back on 2018, a year of major change, I am also proud of myself for what I have achieved during a time of personal difficulty.  I have also learnt to look after myself, to pace myself and to have faith in the adage that ‘time is a great healer’.

We can I’m sure be proactive in making changes in our lives, but sometimes we have to be willing to sail through the storm however long or hard it may be.  We have to learn to adjust our sails and take a day at a time, until one day the wind begins to gently blow our way……….when the ‘timing is right’.

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Now here’s to a great 2019!!

 

 

 

Love Alison x

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Thoughts

Winds of Change.

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“People are always saying that change is a good thing, but what they really mean is that something that you didn’t want to happen, has happened.”  This quote is from my favourite film  ‘You’ve Got Mail’,  as Meg Ryan has to finally accept the loss of her beloved bookshop.  Oh, how I love that film (and Daisies)!  So much so that my precious DVD has given up the ghost. Change however is something I struggle with at times, and as Meg so aptly puts it, change often comes because of circumstances that are out of our control.

Three types of Change.

1.  Change that is forced upon us ie: Death, divorce or the loss of something which gave us value,  like our job or career.

2.  Change that we choose ie:  Changing our hairstyle, our blog theme (have you noticed?) or a change of lifestyle that we think would make us happier.

3:  Change that comes from a positive place ie:  Starting a new job, Engagement, Marriage, becoming a Parent or a Grandparent,

Change is the one constant thing in life,  but whatever kind of change we face be it a sad change or a change that brings great joy, stress will play its part.  I guess it’s how we face it and how we come out the other side that moulds our character and makes us stronger.

A few tips for surviving Change.

1. Acknowledge things are changing.  Try not to keep fighting it, but start to deal with it, one step at a time.

2. Keep to a regular routine,  even walking the dog every day can help to keep you grounded. (if you don’t have a dog borrow a friends!)

3. Realize that stress can be present even through positive changes.

4 Eat Healthily, Exercise and rest if needed.

5. Don’t be afraid to seek support… we all need help at times, that’s what friends and family are for.

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Even the natural world is constantly changing and at times can get a bit muddled up.

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I have some big changes ahead of me this year, some of which I have had a part in creating,  and some that I can just ‘feel a coming’,  I’m sure there will be blogs along the way to help me through as I share my experiences and journeys,  but the one that is foremost in my mind is the transition from Parent to Grandparent!!… YES, I’m going to be a Grandma.  Having spent the last few days walking around with a scan photo of my grandchild tucked safely in my pocket, occasionally checking in the mirror for new signs of ageing, and thinking surely it’s not possible,  I am left with a feeling of contentment and a notebook full of possible names…..for myself!!   I’ll leave the choice of the baby’s name to the totally amazing parents to be, but what will he or she call me?

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Having lost my mum a while ago but being full of memories, I feel she still owns the title of Grandma, and not feeling like a nanny or a granny  I am looking into other options.  Having spent a year in Italy at the age of 18 I’m thinking of borrowing  ‘Nonna’  if my Italian friends will allow, but who knows maybe ‘said grandchild’ might come up with its own little phrase for this apprentice.

Many of the changes I’ve had to face in my life have been of the first kind on my list,  change that, like Meg Ryan in ‘You’ve Got Mail’  I really didn’t want to happen,  but somehow we accept, adapt and move on.

I’m ready for some positive changes in my life,  and who knows maybe this Nonna will even manage to knit a pair of Booties!!,   Happy New Year.

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Love Alison x